then...

Ladyboy Shadow began to prepare for an evening in. He had just purchased nice new panties made of the softest rose-coloured silk, with red polka dots and fancy lace trim. This wasn't just any evening in, it was a Marks and Spencer Lingerie evening in.

and LO!

William Blake did appear in a dream to the creator of all and sayeth- Keep going and don't give up.

meanwhile somewhere else

Abraxas II began to wish that he had not shapeshifted into the form of a teething child's toy.

Thus does Innocence triumph over Experience and the innate goodness of the infant overcome the forces of evil!! (Yes, I've been reading Blake and Rousseau.)

but...

Ladyboy Shadow was posing on the beach but managed to produce a Thermos of properly brewed English Breakfast Tea, which was bound to kill the vampire Talitrus Saltators.

then...

...vampire sandhoppers crept up on our hapless heroine as she swam innocently among the waves.

then...

Coastguards were called out on the Solway when two floating islands apparently appeared.

meanwhile...

...whilst cleaning under the bed, Big Titty Angel inadvertently disturbed an amorphous angry owl made of the dust, fluff and feathers (slapper's minge aka slut's wool or dust bunnies)accumulated over the years.

The home of baby Boris

was a place of essential importance but only a few knew its vital secrets.

meanwhile...

...by disguising himself with a fake coxcomb and pretending to be a child's toy, Abraxas II managed to infiltrate the home of baby Boris.

meanwhile

Big Titty Angel was admiring her new turquoise snakeskin handbag with obsidian clasps.

after...

...working out with teapots Ladyboy Shadow decided he'd like to be a cheerleader. Can you see his slightly scorched panties boys and girls?

The ophidian menace was a bit of a let down...

...the double-headed serpent didn't really think things through. One head regenerated as a slacker.

meanwhile somewhere else

at the same time...

The Bass Foxxxx was located and said she would love to go on tour. Now they needed a vocalist.

meanwhile...

Fearful of the ophidian menace Ladyboy Shadow worked out with a couple of teapots. He didn't want anything evil snaking up his skirt and examining his slightly scorched panties.

She Decided

to try out the efficiency of her tit cannons on Darth Vader.

terrified...

...at the thought of an ancient regenerating double-headed serpent, Big Titty Angel had tit mounted laser cannons attached. Much as she loved Ladyboy Shadow she feared his properly brewed English Breakfast Tea would be no match for the ophidian menace, and that even nail glue would not be able to stop the evil reptile in its trail of destruction.

on the bright side...

Exploding Fox Vortex decided to repeat their succesful tour of the previous year. All Thunder Monkey had to do was locate the Bass Foxxxx who had been missing for several months and find a new vocalist.

Sadly..

...hearts were broken and heartstrings stretched to full capacity when the hunky bird-headed God revealed he'd just popped out from the home for semi-retired deities to tell them that an ancient double headed serpent had escaped and was probably regenerating itself in a sewer nearby. He gave Ladyboy shadow a peck on the cheek, then strode off into the night.

woo!

Either pixie love dust was flying through the cosmos, or the disused factory at the edge of town was pumping out strange sexual hormones, but it appeared that several of the characters in Big Titty World had the hots for the hunky bird-headed god, including the random dugong and Mr P the rapping fish-finger dude. Even Tourette's woman was lost for words.

but...

Marwood was not convinced by Mr Schrodinger-from next-door.

then...

Mr Schrodinger-from-next-door said he had a nice box where Marwood might like to "go to sleep". Or not. Simultaneously.

even...

...the scream was a little bit smitten!

but...

...she had a love rival! Ladyboy Shadow had stolen her lipstick in order to appear seductively beautiful.

wow!

...a hunky bird-headed god had appeared on the scene.

and then...

...love entered Big Titty's world.

The Scream...

was puzzled. What did it all mean? Why was she doomed to walk the streets wearing a headscarf?

Luckily...

Big Titty Angel had help: Menopausal Rage Goddess blasted the harpies to pieces with the cannon on her Nissan Micra/tank hybrid,

Thunder Monkey got Nietzsche by the bollocks and whacked him with her drumsticks and then finally,

the woman with Tourette's distracted him with invective, while Ladyboy Shadow doused him with a properly brewed cup of English Breakfast Tea.

then...

Big Titty Angel had an attack of the Nietszches and a bad infestation of Harpies.

random dugong alert!

meanwhile in a museum in another part of the country

I bet you'd almost forgotten about this thread hadn't you? I had. Anway, meanwhile in a museum somewhere else, the strange power surge in the ancient computer caused some kind of melding of human and simian genes (either that or the punk girl shagged a dead monkey with its insides showing, or stole its DNA. Whatever.) It resulted in the creation of Thunder Monkey, a punk/machine/ape hybrid and drummer with the band Exploding Fox Vortex.

So now we're getting somewhere, we've got a bunch of women with amazing powers: an easily distracted avenging angel who likes properly brewed tea, a cross-dressing bent daemon(strictly speaking not exactly a woman but I'm not picky), a woman with fried-egg breasts who becomes a menopausal rage goddess and a funky punky monkey. It's a bit like Heroes but without any annoyingly good-looking young Americans in it, or like Gorillaz without any ex members of Blur.

And of course there's an arch enemy/evil nemesis- Abraxas II the demon duck.

Luckily...

...she found out what the Menopausal Rage setting on a Nissan Micra is for.

right at that moment...

...a Subaru Impreza whizzed around the corner. The driver shook his fist at Big Titty Angel because HE was on HER side of the road and, as she wasn't psychic, she hadn't got out of his way, and anyway she was a woman so she was bound to be in the wrong.

when...

Big Titty Angel noticed a drive setting she had never seen before, glowing with a strange blue light. Something compelled her to press...

then...

Big Titty Angel and Ladyboy Shadow went for a nice drive down some country lanes in her lovely Nissan Micra, The Blue Fairy.

meanwhile...

Big Titty Angel was relieved to wake and find that Marwood could no longer talk.

meanwhile in another part of the museum...

"Baby"- prototype for the world's first electronic stored program computer, began to mysteriously power up.

meanwhile in another part of the country

A punk girl was examining a dissected ape in an anatomy exhibition at a museum.

meanwhile...

The woman with fried egg breasts was being pursued by The Scream disguised as an old lady wearing a headscarf. What did it all mean?

but...

Ladyboy Shadow liked the manga version of himself, especially his Japanese school uniform. He was also pleased to find that he was wearing slighty scorched knickers under his skirt.

then...

Big Titty Angel awoke from a terrible nightmare where she had been drawn as a manga version of herself with impossibly neat hair, a snub nose and doe eyes. She also had a talking cat, but it was as she feared, talking cats have a very limited vocabulary.

then...

After the tea had worked its magic the Menopausal Rage Goddess reverted to being a very nice woman with fried-egg breasts who realised she was obviously no longer a Christian. Big Titty Angel advised her never to go out in a thunderstorm.

then...

...encouraged by Abraxas II, Big Titty Angel and the Menopausal Rage Goddess went on on orgy of detstruction, venting their spleen on T shirts seemingly made out of toilet paper and unfeasibly small, thrush-inducing cheese wires masquerading as knickers. Ladyboy Shadow managed to calm them down with a properly brewed cup of English Breakfast Tea and asked if he could keep the knickers that were only slightly scorched.

so

Big Titty Angel was supposed to fly to the rescue but found she agreed with the Menopausal Rage Goddess. Why are size sixteen clothes called extra extra large when they are actually average? She decided to let the fashion buyers burn! That would teach them to manufacture all clothes in size ten and then put misleading different size labels on them!

then...

...she vented her spleen on a famous High Street store in protest at stupid fashions: clothes fit only for ladyboys with no bust or hips, tops with navel grazing necklines that you can't wear without another t shirt underneath, trousers cut so low that your arse hangs out, tops so short you have to expose your old stretch marks to all and sundry, badly made garments where the buttons fall off when you wear them once, jumpsuits that you have to take off in order to have a pee, and (the worst crime of all) -making knickers out of thin thrush-inducing lycra enhanced material and replacing comfy waistbands with malevolently thin elastic! (Don't think we haven't noticed St Michael)

This wasn't any menopausal rage-induced holocaust, this was a Marks and Spencer menopausal rage-induced holocaust.

first...

...she smote her ex-husband, THE WALRUS OF HATE!

oh joy!

No longer was the very nice lady an 'excellent' woman, pillar of the church and tea-maker to the flower arrangers at the WI. She had become a MENOPAUSAL RAGE Goddess!!!!!

ooops!

The resultant power surge had a strange effect on the very nice lady being squished on the mammogram machine!