Big Titty Angel and Ladyboy Shadow

BTA vs. Twiggy

2010-09-10T05:52:00.000-07:00

Big Titty Angel was unimpressed by the fact that TWIGGY IS BACK! Surely she has never been away, Marks and Spencer? How about making clothes for women with breasts? And comfortable knickers? And if you are going to flaunt that fact that you sell bras in larger cup sizes you could at least HAVE SOME IN STOCK!

PS Ladyboy Shadow is away at present, possibly buying clothes in M and S because they fit him.

A Holiday in Iceland

2010-04-18T02:17:00.000-07:00

nuff said

Big Titty Angel visits Carhullan

2010-03-22T09:21:00.001-07:00

Big Titty Angel found an uplifting quote by Joy Harjo but sadly her wings were shabby and a bit droopy after winter hibernation.

BTA was feeling waspish...

2009-10-17T01:36:00.001-07:00

and then....Cosmic Ordering

2009-07-02T07:53:00.001-07:00

Big Titty Angel decided to advertise for an assistant.

Wanted

Muse/creative collaborator to work with writer/poet/artist/visionary on fantasy project involving puppetry and/or digital animation.

Must be on my wavelength; interested in exploring mythical realms, the shadow, alchemy, sexuality, gender, faeries, demon ducks and cross-dressing dragons, all with a lightness of touch and humour.

You will be technically skilled and excel at attracting funding-a person of independent means will also be considered.

Must be able to travel and have a certificate of competence (level three or above) in making properly brewed English Breakfast Tea.

Applications by e mail or astral travel.

and then...

2009-04-01T07:08:00.001-07:00

Big Titty Angel was worried about the latest health scare about drinking tea. But she didn't have to worry as everyone knows she always drinks properly brewed English Breakfast Tea. And she takes milk. Phew! The world has been saved from an another Orangina fuelled bestial sheep orgy.

meanwhile...

2009-03-26T03:06:00.001-07:00

Baby Frou Frou (the vampire Herdwick) decided to run away to Wales to escape from the perverted desires of maruading Orangina drinkers. She was hoping to get a bit part in an advert.

and then in Devon....

2009-03-14T04:53:00.001-07:00

Ladyboy shadow minced around the snowy countryside, closely followed by Abraxas II. They left strange stilleto/webbed footmarks that were mistaken for the hoofprints of satan himself!

The horror, the horror!

2009-01-27T01:22:00.001-08:00

Big Titty Angel became a terrifying archetype from the Gundestrup Cauldron and Ladyboy Shadow fled in fear, sucking his tiny thumb.

WOT! No Tea?

2009-01-11T04:12:00.001-08:00

Big Titty Angel and Ladyboy Shadow were horrified to hear that some people were being advised not to drink tea. Properly Brewed English Breakfast Tea is the cure for all evils and the saviour of the soul. If people can't drink tea they will have to drink Orangina and we all know what THAT leads to.

winter revels

2008-12-06T07:01:00.001-08:00

The Scream-in-a-Headscarf was seen skiing down the fellside. Was her expression due to the financial situation or had she seen Ladyboy Shadow in his cute skater outfit?

and then...

2008-11-20T09:12:00.001-08:00

Ladyboy Shadow had disguised himself as ballroom dancer Kristina Rihanoff. That's the real reason why John Sergeant pulled out of the Strictly final.

elsewhere on a grassy knoll

2008-11-04T01:16:00.001-08:00

Sarah Palin and John McCain waited for the voting to finish.

meanwhile...

2008-10-26T12:38:00.000-07:00

Ladyboy Shadow had got his extra extra high heels trapped in a water filled cattle grid.

and then...

2008-10-26T10:55:00.001-07:00

Big Titty Angel was thoroughly drenched by a deluge of rain. Where was Ladyboy Shadow with his reviving pot of properly brewed English Breakfast Tea?

meanwhile in Iceland...

2008-10-15T02:53:00.000-07:00

...the government had thought of a way to pay off their debts to British creditors. Knowing of our fondness for fish and chips they issued a new currency. Expect large mountains of cod to be piled up outside your local authority headquarters any day now-in these areas.

Poverty!

2008-10-15T00:22:00.001-07:00

Due to the credit crunch Big Titty Angel and Ladyboy Shadow had to resort to desperate measures in order to afford some good English Breakfast Tea. They were down to their last three quid but looking on the bright side they still had more money than the Icelandic goverment!

Seriously folks - most of us in Blogland still have a fairly decent standard of living despite the world economic chaos. Today is Blog Action day on poverty. Don't forget those in real need.

eventually...

2008-10-11T04:58:00.000-07:00

Ladyboy Shadow decided to train as a specialist cross-dressing nurse.

meanwhile...

2008-09-19T01:36:00.000-07:00

Death called to play chess and was horrified to find Ladyboy Shadow playing footsy with him.

Meanwhile somewhere in Switzerland...

2008-09-19T01:09:00.001-07:00

The build up of tea inside the particle accelerator caused a switch-off of the whole apparatus, just in time to stop Abraxas II materialising.

Minx!!

2008-09-17T12:08:00.001-07:00

Later Ladyboy Shadow had trouble with an over tight corset.

meanwhile on her travels...

2008-09-15T02:28:00.001-07:00

Thunder Monkey had taken up with a bit of rough. At least he knew how to make a fairly decent cup of tea.

meanwhile...

2008-09-15T00:43:00.000-07:00

...our chums took tea in the grounds. Frou Frou was now fortunately on solids.

meanwhile...

2008-09-14T12:46:00.000-07:00

Big Titty Angel was confused about the difference between a gadget and a widget.

Sunday Evening Classical TV Viewing

2008-09-14T12:19:00.000-07:00

Now Ladyboy Shadow could indulge in his dream of being a naughty little minx from historical fiction!! Can you see his fake dumplings boys and girls?

meanwhile...

2008-09-11T11:42:00.001-07:00

Ladyboy Shadow had also been up to no good with sheep and had caught bluetongue.

Thank Fuck for Keemun!!

2008-09-11T05:04:00.001-07:00

The electrical fault at the LHC, caused by Mighty Marwood and his properly brewed tea, caused a little kink in the space/time continuum so Big Titty World was saved!

Big Titty Angel was no longer wearing a housewife skin but she now had to nurse baby Frou Frou, a hungry vampire Herdwick. She decided to sue the makers of Orangina for showing animal porn on the TV and not putting any warnings such as, drink responsibly or do not shag animals after drinking this product on the bottle.

She knew she should have stuck to tea.

Then, at the LHC...

2008-09-11T04:45:00.000-07:00

A paradoxical woman from the future (dressed in mini skirt, huge shoulder pads and amazingly long false eyelashes as all good futuristic women always are) materialised at the centre of the action.

HURRAH!!!!!

2008-09-10T01:18:00.000-07:00

Mighty Marwood (who had been curled up in a box belonging to Mr Schrodinger-from-next-door and was therefore in a quantum state of existence and non-existence simultaneously) managed to hover over Switzerland carrying a large teapot full of properly brewed English Breakfast Tea and drop it over the headquarters of the LHC. It caused a small electrical fault, which was blamed on something else. Could Big Titty World be saved?

Meanwhile somewhere in Switzerland...

2008-09-09T23:57:00.000-07:00

...it was the day of the big switch on at the Large Hadron Collider and time began, very slowly and inexorably, to disappear up its own arse. Big Titty World ceased to exist and all our favourite inhabitants began to wink out of existence without even a whimper. No more Thunder Monkey or Bass Foxxx, no more Ladyboy Shadow, or Frou-Frou, or Woman with Fried Egg Breasts, or Scream in a Headscarf, or even Abraxas II ... could it be that a new world without evil might emerge?

Big Titty Angel herself went back to a time before her accident, when she was not an avenging angel but a woman in a housewife skin doomed to a perpetual existence of making cheese and cucumber sandwiches.

She wondered where she had left the teapot but then decided to have coffee instead...

meanwhile

2008-09-09T00:53:00.000-07:00

Big Titty Angel gave birth to a little Herdwick lamb. Anyone got any suggestions for a name for this cute little product of an Orangina fuelled bestial sheep orgy?

meanwhile somewhere in Switzerland...

2008-09-08T12:40:00.000-07:00

... scientists were getting so excited about the switch on of the large hadron Collider that they were rapping about it. Sadly Mr P was not able to join in.

Ladyboy Shadow was rather concerned about a black hole opening up and hordes of evil entities pouring through from parallel universes, so he filled the kettle and got the teabags ready early.

and then...

2008-09-05T11:38:00.001-07:00

Darwin came back from the dead to say that all this interbreeding of species would not work.

meanwhile in China...

2008-09-05T11:29:00.001-07:00

The Olympic Monkey started to be attracted to the Paralympic Cow.

and then...

2008-09-05T08:52:00.001-07:00

... a muscular bear showed her his prematurely ejaculating bottle of Orangina. Where would it all end?

and then...

2008-09-05T04:54:00.000-07:00

she found herself in a strange Orangina fuelled furry lesbian fantasy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

the horror, the horror!

2008-09-05T04:26:00.000-07:00

When Big Titty Angel went to bed a horrible shock awaited, lying on the pink flowered duvet.

previously...

2008-09-05T03:59:00.001-07:00

Ladyboy Shadow had just put the kettle on, but would the aromatic scent of Keemun tea, mingled with Assam and PG Tips, be enough to avert a marching army of Vampire Herdwicks?

and then...

2008-09-02T03:26:00.000-07:00

a relentless army of possessed vampire Herdwicks made their way through the storm.

meanwhile...

2008-08-28T07:41:00.000-07:00

Ladyboy Shadow was not happy; he hadn't flown to the rescue or done anything kinky for ages!

and elsewhere, on a fellside...

2008-08-26T12:34:00.000-07:00

Dame Nethermoss, the champion Herdwick, was rudely awoken by a levitating plastic demon duck.

meanwhile in China...

2008-08-26T12:14:00.000-07:00

..the Olympic Monkey had to go back to his proper job of protecting a buddhist monk, leaving the heart-broken Thunder Monkey shedding bitter tears.

and then...

2008-08-13T00:58:00.001-07:00

...the moon turned blood red as Abraxas II materialised at the centre of the stone circle.

later...

2008-08-12T13:24:00.001-07:00

...in another part of the world where day had become night, a tree looking remarkably like an undead fish finger with electric shock hair, materialised next to the standing stones on a fellside.

elswhere in China...

2008-08-12T11:39:00.001-07:00

Thunder Monkey and Olympic Monkey contemplate the moon in a perfect harmony of understanding.

Meanwhile in China...

2008-08-12T10:58:00.000-07:00

The true identity of the little girl who really sang at the opening ceremony of the Olympics was revealed. The tight panties helped.

Ssh..meditation in progress...

2008-08-12T00:37:00.001-07:00

Big Titty Angel and her bent daemon sit and contemplate the cosmos in companiable silence, she in her legendary big knickers and he in the tiny exquisite pants of silken torture, for each of us must find our pleasure where we can.

Meanwhile in China...

2008-08-11T13:49:00.001-07:00

A worker with a well trained smile was showing how he had faked the footage for the fireworks at the Olympic opening ceremony. It had nothing whatsoever to do with the mind control headband he was wearing.

later...

2008-08-11T12:27:00.001-07:00

...after visiting the disused factory at the edge of town, the woman with fried egg breasts began to turn into a slug. After the initial shock she realised it was rather pleasant as she didn't have to wear uncomfortable knickers.

more thoughts on enlightenment...

2008-08-11T12:04:00.000-07:00

A pair of comfortable, voluminous stretchy black knickers with a soft waist band and double lined cotton gusset, and a cup of properly brewed English Breakfast tea with just a hint of Keemun; who could fail to reach enlightenment with those things conveniently to hand? But alas for the human race, such things are rarer than hen's teeth and the world must continue in chaos and destruction.

Ssh..meditation in progress...

2008-08-11T00:30:00.000-07:00

Big Titty Angel sits and contemplates the cosmos in the fabled voluminous stretchy black knickers of comfort and ease; a pair of knickers so pleasant and comfortable that you don't know that you have them on and can sit in perfect harmony with the universe in that endless now moment, without wriggling or having elastic disappear up the crack of your arse.

Meanwhile in China...

2008-08-10T11:33:00.001-07:00

Thunder Monkey had located the radio control device that worked the golden mind control headband. Now the Olympic Monkey would be her bitch!

later...

2008-08-10T01:38:00.000-07:00

...she completely lost it.

and then...

2008-08-10T01:21:00.000-07:00

Tourette's woman went off on one.

then...

2008-08-09T07:39:00.001-07:00

no longer traumatised, Ladyboy Shadow twirled with delight at the sight of his new matching shoes and panties. Everbody else noticed that he needed a good shave.

Meanwhile in China...

2008-08-09T06:54:00.000-07:00

...at the olympic opening ceremony, a tribute to Big Titty Angel was revealed- a giant blue boob where men clung on for dear life.

meanwhile...

2008-08-09T06:41:00.001-07:00

Big Titty Angel was trying to lose weight by hypnosis but every time Paul McKenna asked her to count backwards from 300 she had a panic attack.

meanwhile- on the new download charts...

2008-08-09T05:50:00.000-07:00

...The Undead Rapping Fish-Finger Song had reached number one! Tourette's woman was not at all impressed by the concept, although I think the lyrics in the new version of this old classic are rather fine.

My name is Mr P, I'm a fish finger dude,
I like to talk in rhyme, sometimes its RUDE!
I cook fish fingers and serve them in a bowl
(In da house. In da house)
and fly into space on a toilet roll.

Yo! Yo! Yo!

My name is Mr P and I like to rap!
but really I'm a middle-aged white woman
so its kinda crap.
It doesn't scan either and now I've stopped rhyming.
I don't think I've got the hang of this.

Sorry.

My name is Mr P and I'm undead

I creep my fingers into your bed

I fiddle with panties of every ladyboy

(In da house, in da house)

and traumatise the ones that's coy!

Yo! Yo! Yo!

previously...

2008-08-08T01:31:00.001-07:00

...a large consigment of cheap headbands had been sold to a chinese gentleman by a well known purveyor of cut-price jewellery, accesories and cosmetics. The assistant was so busy trying to get him to buy a glittery make-up set at a special price of £1.99 that she did not ask to see his credentials. He said he was Kuan Yin and I belived him she said. After all she is sometimes portrayed as a he, so I thought nothing of it. How am I supposed to know what a person of compassionate enlightenment looks like?

Meanwhile in China...

2008-08-08T00:56:00.001-07:00

...a worker with a well-trained smile was showing how pleasant it was to paint grass green in time for the opening ceremony of the Olympic Games. It had nothing whatsoever to do with the mind control headband he was wearing.

and then...

2008-08-07T06:04:00.001-07:00

The Bass Foxxxx said she was very fond of fish fingers, even when undead, and they made beautiful music together.

Meanwhile in China...

2008-08-07T05:30:00.000-07:00

The Olympic Monkey was proudly showing off his ancestral home-the monkey cave behind a waterfall, where he had lived before his enlightenment.

Legend has it...

2008-08-07T01:07:00.000-07:00

... that ghosts can be exorcised by throwing black beans over the shoulder at the feast of Lemuria. Unfortunately, due to the credit crunch, all Big Titty had in the house was a tin of Tesco Value Baked Beans in Tomato sauce, and the feast of Lemuria wasn't until May.

Everybody needs a bosom for a pillow...

2008-08-07T00:42:00.001-07:00

...so after having a nice cup of tea, the traumatised bent daemon made himself small and curled up on Big Titty Angel's breastal area for a nap. He slept fitfully, sucking his tiny thumb and dreaming terrible dreams about being violated by golden crumbs, but undead rapping fish fingers are no match for an angel with large, comforting breasts and a teapot. The hungry ghost had to wail yo! yo! yo! somewhere else.

Scarily...

2008-08-07T00:27:00.001-07:00

...Ladyboy Shadow felt fishy-smelling fingers remove his slightly scorched silken panties in the night. Big Titty Angel swore that it wasn't her and luckily Ladyboy Shadow was able to put his hands on his pom-poms straight away, before all was revealed!

and then...

2008-08-06T11:33:00.000-07:00

Tales of an undead rapping fish finger began to be told all over Big Titty World. Some told of only a decapitated head that flew through the sky like a chon-chon, rapping as it went. Others told of a mysterious, fish smelling, dark hooded figure that stood on the landing, intoning and calling for the other genii cucullati to join in. But worst of all were the tales of the hungry ghost with electric shock hair that tried to pull the living through into the other side, tempting them with promises of tomato ketchup.

Phew!

2008-08-06T11:14:00.001-07:00

Mr P-the rapping fish finger dude- was pleased to see that he was not included in The Wheel of Death set up by Abraxas II. He began a merry little song about living in a lovely world, unaware that Baby Boris was able to crawl and was desperate for something solid to sink his tooth into.

meanwhile...

2008-08-06T00:44:00.001-07:00

...united in their mutual love of hitting things with sticks, The Olympic Monkey and Thunder Monkey went on a visit to China.

Abraxas II...

2008-08-05T12:53:00.000-07:00

...began to spin his terrible Dali-esque wheel of death. Where would the spinner land? The Scream? Tourrete's woman? The Bass Foxxxx? Mighty Marwood? Thunder Monkey?Menopausal Rage Goddess? Ladyboy Shadow? The Amorphous Angry Owl? The Woman with Fried Egg Breasts? Big Titty? The Random Dugong? Speedy the radioactive snail?

Enough Niceness!!

2008-08-05T12:23:00.000-07:00

Meanwhile Abraxas II had been regurgitated by baby Boris and was thinking evil thoughts. But who was it to be? Our hapless big breasted heroine, her ladyboy sidekick, or one of the minor characters in the plot?

Interlude...

2008-08-04T00:42:00.000-07:00

...of pretty niceness and loveliness, just because I can. Hello world! Hello sky!

Big Titty Angel...

2008-08-04T00:24:00.001-07:00

...was more concerned about what being a tree had done to her hair.

Ladyboy Shadow...

2008-08-03T02:19:00.000-07:00

...checked to see that nothing had remained twig like.

Fortunately...

2008-08-02T09:18:00.001-07:00

the Olympic monkey had a delicate pot of Keemun which he used to free our hapless heroine and her bent daemon. Properly brewed English Breakfast Tea should always have a little Keemun added for those occasions when you find yourself caught in a dendritic trap.

meanwhile...

2008-08-02T09:05:00.000-07:00

...standing still got a bit tedious especially as there was no tea.

Thunder Monkey...

2008-08-01T12:20:00.000-07:00

...was rather smitten by the Olympic Monkey even though he appeared to be wearing a hairband from Claire's accesories and, horror of horrors, a cravat!

becoming a tree...

2008-08-01T08:54:00.000-07:00

was not particularly comfortable.

meanwhile...

2008-08-01T04:16:00.000-07:00

Abraxas, the original hermaphrodite, left the home for semi-retired deities and tried going for a walk, despite the fact that he hadn't thought his legs through properly.

meanwhile...

2008-08-01T03:56:00.001-07:00

Big Titty Angel and Ladyboy Shadow were about to have a picnic in their favourite grove, when Ladyboy Shadow realised he had forgotten the teapot.

then...

2008-07-27T05:47:00.001-07:00

Ladyboy Shadow began to prepare for an evening in. He had just purchased nice new panties made of the softest rose-coloured silk, with red polka dots and fancy lace trim. This wasn't just any evening in, it was a Marks and Spencer Lingerie evening in.

and LO!

2008-07-27T03:36:00.001-07:00

William Blake did appear in a dream to the creator of all and sayeth- Keep going and don't give up.

meanwhile somewhere else

2008-07-27T03:23:00.000-07:00

Abraxas II began to wish that he had not shapeshifted into the form of a teething child's toy.

Thus does Innocence triumph over Experience and the innate goodness of the infant overcome the forces of evil!! (Yes, I've been reading Blake and Rousseau.)

but...

2008-07-25T01:01:00.001-07:00

Ladyboy Shadow was posing on the beach but managed to produce a Thermos of properly brewed English Breakfast Tea, which was bound to kill the vampire Talitrus Saltators.

then...

2008-07-24T12:27:00.001-07:00

...vampire sandhoppers crept up on our hapless heroine as she swam innocently among the waves.

then...

2008-07-24T12:09:00.001-07:00

Coastguards were called out on the Solway when two floating islands apparently appeared.

meanwhile...

2008-07-22T00:10:00.001-07:00

...whilst cleaning under the bed, Big Titty Angel inadvertently disturbed an amorphous angry owl made of the dust, fluff and feathers (slapper's minge aka slut's wool or dust bunnies)accumulated over the years.

The home of baby Boris

2008-07-21T23:36:00.001-07:00

was a place of essential importance but only a few knew its vital secrets.

meanwhile...

2008-07-21T11:25:00.001-07:00

...by disguising himself with a fake coxcomb and pretending to be a child's toy, Abraxas II managed to infiltrate the home of baby Boris.

meanwhile

2008-07-21T00:29:00.000-07:00

Big Titty Angel was admiring her new turquoise snakeskin handbag with obsidian clasps.

after...

2008-07-19T10:27:00.001-07:00

...working out with teapots Ladyboy Shadow decided he'd like to be a cheerleader. Can you see his slightly scorched panties boys and girls?

The ophidian menace was a bit of a let down...

2008-07-18T03:31:00.001-07:00

...the double-headed serpent didn't really think things through. One head regenerated as a slacker.

meanwhile somewhere else

2008-07-17T05:09:00.001-07:00

at the same time...

2008-07-17T02:46:00.001-07:00

The Bass Foxxxx was located and said she would love to go on tour. Now they needed a vocalist.

meanwhile...

2008-07-16T12:01:00.001-07:00

Fearful of the ophidian menace Ladyboy Shadow worked out with a couple of teapots. He didn't want anything evil snaking up his skirt and examining his slightly scorched panties.

She Decided

2008-07-16T08:19:00.001-07:00

to try out the efficiency of her tit cannons on Darth Vader.

terrified...

2008-07-16T01:25:00.001-07:00

...at the thought of an ancient regenerating double-headed serpent, Big Titty Angel had tit mounted laser cannons attached. Much as she loved Ladyboy Shadow she feared his properly brewed English Breakfast Tea would be no match for the ophidian menace, and that even nail glue would not be able to stop the evil reptile in its trail of destruction.

on the bright side...

2008-07-16T01:06:00.001-07:00

Exploding Fox Vortex decided to repeat their succesful tour of the previous year. All Thunder Monkey had to do was locate the Bass Foxxxx who had been missing for several months and find a new vocalist.

Sadly..

2008-07-16T00:59:00.001-07:00

...hearts were broken and heartstrings stretched to full capacity when the hunky bird-headed God revealed he'd just popped out from the home for semi-retired deities to tell them that an ancient double headed serpent had escaped and was probably regenerating itself in a sewer nearby. He gave Ladyboy shadow a peck on the cheek, then strode off into the night.

woo!

2008-07-15T10:52:00.000-07:00

Either pixie love dust was flying through the cosmos, or the disused factory at the edge of town was pumping out strange sexual hormones, but it appeared that several of the characters in Big Titty World had the hots for the hunky bird-headed god, including the random dugong and Mr P the rapping fish-finger dude. Even Tourette's woman was lost for words.

but...

2008-07-15T10:50:00.000-07:00

Marwood was not convinced by Mr Schrodinger-from next-door.