She Decided

to try out the efficiency of her tit cannons on Darth Vader.

terrified...

...at the thought of an ancient regenerating double-headed serpent, Big Titty Angel had tit mounted laser cannons attached. Much as she loved Ladyboy Shadow she feared his properly brewed English Breakfast Tea would be no match for the ophidian menace, and that even nail glue would not be able to stop the evil reptile in its trail of destruction.

on the bright side...

Exploding Fox Vortex decided to repeat their succesful tour of the previous year. All Thunder Monkey had to do was locate the Bass Foxxxx who had been missing for several months and find a new vocalist.

Sadly..

...hearts were broken and heartstrings stretched to full capacity when the hunky bird-headed God revealed he'd just popped out from the home for semi-retired deities to tell them that an ancient double headed serpent had escaped and was probably regenerating itself in a sewer nearby. He gave Ladyboy shadow a peck on the cheek, then strode off into the night.

woo!

Either pixie love dust was flying through the cosmos, or the disused factory at the edge of town was pumping out strange sexual hormones, but it appeared that several of the characters in Big Titty World had the hots for the hunky bird-headed god, including the random dugong and Mr P the rapping fish-finger dude. Even Tourette's woman was lost for words.

but...

Marwood was not convinced by Mr Schrodinger-from next-door.

then...

Mr Schrodinger-from-next-door said he had a nice box where Marwood might like to "go to sleep". Or not. Simultaneously.

even...

...the scream was a little bit smitten!

but...

...she had a love rival! Ladyboy Shadow had stolen her lipstick in order to appear seductively beautiful.

wow!

...a hunky bird-headed god had appeared on the scene.

and then...

...love entered Big Titty's world.

The Scream...

was puzzled. What did it all mean? Why was she doomed to walk the streets wearing a headscarf?

Luckily...

Big Titty Angel had help: Menopausal Rage Goddess blasted the harpies to pieces with the cannon on her Nissan Micra/tank hybrid,

Thunder Monkey got Nietzsche by the bollocks and whacked him with her drumsticks and then finally,

the woman with Tourette's distracted him with invective, while Ladyboy Shadow doused him with a properly brewed cup of English Breakfast Tea.

then...

Big Titty Angel had an attack of the Nietszches and a bad infestation of Harpies.

random dugong alert!

meanwhile in a museum in another part of the country

I bet you'd almost forgotten about this thread hadn't you? I had. Anway, meanwhile in a museum somewhere else, the strange power surge in the ancient computer caused some kind of melding of human and simian genes (either that or the punk girl shagged a dead monkey with its insides showing, or stole its DNA. Whatever.) It resulted in the creation of Thunder Monkey, a punk/machine/ape hybrid and drummer with the band Exploding Fox Vortex.

So now we're getting somewhere, we've got a bunch of women with amazing powers: an easily distracted avenging angel who likes properly brewed tea, a cross-dressing bent daemon(strictly speaking not exactly a woman but I'm not picky), a woman with fried-egg breasts who becomes a menopausal rage goddess and a funky punky monkey. It's a bit like Heroes but without any annoyingly good-looking young Americans in it, or like Gorillaz without any ex members of Blur.

And of course there's an arch enemy/evil nemesis- Abraxas II the demon duck.

Luckily...

...she found out what the Menopausal Rage setting on a Nissan Micra is for.

right at that moment...

...a Subaru Impreza whizzed around the corner. The driver shook his fist at Big Titty Angel because HE was on HER side of the road and, as she wasn't psychic, she hadn't got out of his way, and anyway she was a woman so she was bound to be in the wrong.

when...

Big Titty Angel noticed a drive setting she had never seen before, glowing with a strange blue light. Something compelled her to press...

then...

Big Titty Angel and Ladyboy Shadow went for a nice drive down some country lanes in her lovely Nissan Micra, The Blue Fairy.

meanwhile...

Big Titty Angel was relieved to wake and find that Marwood could no longer talk.

meanwhile in another part of the museum...

"Baby"- prototype for the world's first electronic stored program computer, began to mysteriously power up.

meanwhile in another part of the country

A punk girl was examining a dissected ape in an anatomy exhibition at a museum.

meanwhile...

The woman with fried egg breasts was being pursued by The Scream disguised as an old lady wearing a headscarf. What did it all mean?

but...

Ladyboy Shadow liked the manga version of himself, especially his Japanese school uniform. He was also pleased to find that he was wearing slighty scorched knickers under his skirt.

then...

Big Titty Angel awoke from a terrible nightmare where she had been drawn as a manga version of herself with impossibly neat hair, a snub nose and doe eyes. She also had a talking cat, but it was as she feared, talking cats have a very limited vocabulary.

then...

After the tea had worked its magic the Menopausal Rage Goddess reverted to being a very nice woman with fried-egg breasts who realised she was obviously no longer a Christian. Big Titty Angel advised her never to go out in a thunderstorm.

then...

...encouraged by Abraxas II, Big Titty Angel and the Menopausal Rage Goddess went on on orgy of detstruction, venting their spleen on T shirts seemingly made out of toilet paper and unfeasibly small, thrush-inducing cheese wires masquerading as knickers. Ladyboy Shadow managed to calm them down with a properly brewed cup of English Breakfast Tea and asked if he could keep the knickers that were only slightly scorched.

so

Big Titty Angel was supposed to fly to the rescue but found she agreed with the Menopausal Rage Goddess. Why are size sixteen clothes called extra extra large when they are actually average? She decided to let the fashion buyers burn! That would teach them to manufacture all clothes in size ten and then put misleading different size labels on them!

then...

...she vented her spleen on a famous High Street store in protest at stupid fashions: clothes fit only for ladyboys with no bust or hips, tops with navel grazing necklines that you can't wear without another t shirt underneath, trousers cut so low that your arse hangs out, tops so short you have to expose your old stretch marks to all and sundry, badly made garments where the buttons fall off when you wear them once, jumpsuits that you have to take off in order to have a pee, and (the worst crime of all) -making knickers out of thin thrush-inducing lycra enhanced material and replacing comfy waistbands with malevolently thin elastic! (Don't think we haven't noticed St Michael)

This wasn't any menopausal rage-induced holocaust, this was a Marks and Spencer menopausal rage-induced holocaust.

first...

...she smote her ex-husband, THE WALRUS OF HATE!

oh joy!

No longer was the very nice lady an 'excellent' woman, pillar of the church and tea-maker to the flower arrangers at the WI. She had become a MENOPAUSAL RAGE Goddess!!!!!

ooops!

The resultant power surge had a strange effect on the very nice lady being squished on the mammogram machine!

meanwhile...

Abraxas II had persuaded Ladyboy Shadow that pouring copious quantities of properly brewed English Breakfast Tea directly into the television would get rid of the pesky crepuscular creatures.

and in another part of town...

a very nice lady was having her tits squished in the mammogram machine at the local hospital.

meanwhile...

...audible digitised noise bats had begun nesting in the TV and singing during the quiet bits of TV programmes.

And...

...the creator of all was just playing around with the world, because as everybody knows sub-atomic particles don't know what to do with themselves until you look at them, so the cosmos is full of infinite potential. Big Titty Angel might even get to wear a bra!

and

Big Titty Angel noticed it too! She was feeling more graphic and her boundaries were more defined, although she felt a bit more fluid at her centre. Some days the cosmos is just like that.

She felt secure because she was still wearing extremely large and comfortable pants; with big knickers you can face the world head on!

later...

Ladyboy Shadow noticed that his world had changed completely.

and then...

Abraxas II was born-the personification of complete evil in the form of a demon duck! That's one of the legends of how he began anyway.

oops!

Everyone knows you should never put a radioactively mutated snail in a bath with a Lush glitter bath ball and a rubber duck, especially by candlelight!

then...

Ladyboy Shadow decided to have a nice girly bath with glitter and candlelight and his favourite rubber duck.

oh yeah...and...

She had forgotten about the avenging angel bit but even when she was in disguise everyone recognised her.

then...

They called their new mutant friend SPEEDY.

but...

She soon cheered up when Ladyboy Shadow told her that the wrinkles made her look wise and her new hair cut made her look MUCH younger.

meanwhile...

Big Titty Angel shed bitter tears, as she realised the 'pillow creases' were wrinkles.

and then

The mutants were terribly disappointing.

And then much later...

The disused factory at the edge of town appeared to be the ideal place to dump nuclear waste. Ladyboy Shadow was hoping for MUTANTS!